Awkward

So computer science began as a women-dominated field.

And with that link, I was going to write a blog about women in cyberspace and how women blog more reflexively than men and I was going to link it to this video by Madonna and quote the beginning of it.

But then my choir concert came up.

And with it came the awkward conversations over text and Facebook inviting people from my "outer circles" to the concert. In fact, I'm inviting some of those people right now on another tab, and it really brings home the fact that I'm not as comfortable with these people as I feel I should be. And, while I may not be 100% sure, I get the feeling they're not particularly comfortable with me either.

I mean, I can hold conversations over the internet with my friends for hours and hours on end, and it'd be fine and dandy. But with my kind-of-friends, they all have to walk the dog, or take a shower, or wash the dishes after about ten minutes of awkward back-and-forth.

It's like a game we all play, pretending that we love talking to people who we don't really like talking to at all.

But while I may not actually go out of my way to do a favour for these people, or even hold a decent conversation with them, that's not to say those members of the outer circle aren't important. They do have social capital, and are a useful resource, inhuman as it may sound: whether it be for [dissenting] opinions, networking (looking for jobs, for example) or just to sell things to (like choir concert tickets). Perhaps Dunbar's number is still in effect, after all - I just called some of my friends resources.

Or perhaps I just need to get some sleep.