Something fun to read before Exams (part 1)

Hi, there.

One of my habit, and as I believe that many may do this, randomly tapping interesting words in Google and then enjoin the fun of the contexts. The thing I want to talk about today apparently is not about what I tap in; it is something even better.

Most my friends play video games. Boys like high combative violent games, and girls like online games, such like World of Warcraft, just like what the lecture and reading say. Anyway, let’s get back to the topic. The context inside the link is called “counting down of tragedies in the history of offline games”. It only comes with short explanation and limited pictures, so I have to do some research to fully support its opinion myself, that all these games are piece shits, or may be these games are insulting the good name of “shit”. Unfortunately, I played all most every single of them.

Here and now, Let us start the counting down!

No.9 DukeNukem Forever

In DukeNukem’s defense, this game really can’t be called a terrible tragic, well, in every possible way. I was born in 1984. If anyone who is old enough to play this game, just like me, then you should know exactly what I am talking about. The picture, the visual effects, the sound effect, the killing and the handling, with perfect combination of all these facts, if this is not an epic of its time, then what is. So surely it is not the quality of game makes itself a tragic.

In January 1996, there was the great born of DukeNukem 3D, and the followed by a even greater official announcement, “the next DukeNukem game, the DukeNukem Forever will be published in April 1997.” Today is 2nd Oct 2010; 14 years after that announcement, I have to ask, where the hell is the game? What the hell was happened? You know, or you may not know, but during its legendary delay, or “bouncing”, following things happened.

During its delay, across all platforms, the Final Fantasy has 96 games, four films, three cartoons; GTA (Grand Theft Auto) has 14 games; Zelda has 16 games; and the Sims has 17 games.

During its delay, there were 75 Mega-man games; 50 Star-war games; and 56 Mario games.

During its delay, Black Isle Studio was established, grown, refulgent and then broken down.

During its delay, even Blizzard Entertainment, an super delay lover, made Starcraft series, Diablo series, Warcraft series and World of Warcraft series.

During its delay, there were in total of 15 game consoles invented. They were PS, DC, NGC, Xbox, PS2, Xbox360, Wii, Ps3, GBC, GBA, GBASP, NDS, PSP, GBM, and NDSL.

During its delay, 350 million game consoles and computer (for the purpose of playing games mainly) were sold.

During its delay, the speed of internet increased 300 times faster.

During its delay, the speed of CPU increased 32 times.

During its delay, Microsoft published six operating systems.

During its delay, Google, eBay, Facebook, Youtube. Etc got bigger and bigger.

During its delay, the US government has sent 30 space craft air.

During its delay, four countries have owned nukes, five wars finished, and then 19 new battles began.

During its delay, there were half billion dead, and then 660 million people were born.

I even found a joke about the game DukeNukem Forever;

One day, a Chinese meet the God.
God: With many years of serving me, I offer you one wish?
Chinese: Can you please sink Japan?
God: Sorry, it is quite impossible, do you have another one?
Chinese: I want play NukeDukem Forever.
(With a moment of silence)
God: Here is the map, show me where Japan is.


No. 8 Dreamkiller

Dreamkiller is game, made by Mindware Stodios. Me, myself found it very interesting, and yet very creative. It is a first person shooting game combines the facts of speed, furious and blood shard. The narrative is about a psychologist, Alice Drake, who enters her patients’ mind, and fights all the darkness and evilness inside. At the last, she finally realizes that, the origin of sickness is not something horrible, but the basic needs of every human-being. The game has 12 levels of single play game mode; for every level, there are huge amount of enemies, and by the way, every single of them represents one kind of fear. And the game also provides multi-play game mode, enormous amount of weapons and super-nature magic.

However, once you play the game, you will found that, it is very easy to drive yourself crazy. Really, I mean it. After one night of playing, I start having these weird dreams. The only fun in the game is to shoot monsters with strange guns, but with unacceptable rusty controlling, the only thing you may want to do, is to kill yourself at any point of the game. It is a long game; you may spend hours of hours on it, albeit the repeating of similar setting will make your playing experience equally boring.

The protagonist is called Alice, but please don’t confuse it with the film, Alice in Wonder Land, because it more likes Alice in Nightmare Land. Am I playing the game, or the game is playing me? Hard to say! The graphics is not bad, worth playing.

Games Spot Score is 5.0 out of 10. Under the personal commons of Mike TheMic, he points “Boring first person shooter, nothing special at all.”

No. 7 Deadly Premonition

Once there was a game called “Rainy Woods”, now it called Deadly Premonition. Before I do my own review of this tragedy, I would like to bring some words form others, in order to provide a better description of how horrible this game can be.

IGN gives this game a historical overall score, 2.0 out of 10. It was not the lowest score in the history of video games, but definitely in the history of Xbox 360 games. Deadly Premonition earns a 6.0 for its presentation, “A surreal plotline what might be almost interesting enough to make suffering through the rest of Deadly Premonition palatable.” Author comments the following on the graphics, “as bad as it has ever been on Xbox360”. Score? 1.0, I think this is the lowest mark that a game can ever get. 2 for the sound; “The most mind-bending part of Deadly Premonition is the small set of tunes that loop over every conversation. They will drive you insane.” 3.0 for its Gameplay; “Atrocious mechanics. The only difficulty in the game comes from the clunky controls and camera”. It gets another 3.0 for its Lasting Appeal; “You’re looking at over 20hours to solve this mystery, but only because it moves so slowly”.

I am sure if how many people have played the game Shenmue. It was a game on DC console, made in 1999, magnificent graphics and controlling, and with a much better narrative. If you have no idea about what I am talking about, just think it is a Japanese version of GTA. Anyway, if the game was produced 8 years ago, then maybe we could say that, Deadly Premonition is a termination of Shenmue, and within the paradise, you can explore every corner of the world; you can have tones of sub-missions; and at last but not least, every little detail supports its unique scariness, albeit now, we can only use these words to self-hypnotised, not because of the game has a shitty graphics, it is because the whole game is a piece of shit.

After play it for a little while, you can immediately discover that, Deadly Premonition is combination of two games, resident evil 4 and GTA. When anybody heard it, it surely will turn them on. But this good intention, soon becomes a nightmare for the producer, is way out of their league, out of their production ability. The producer of this mess is a Japanese company, Access. For most of people never heard of it, Access’s business is mostly on cell-phone games.

Oh, dear god, do we have anything else to play? Anything will do!

(Later I will post the rest of the counting down, all the way up to the shittiest No, 1)